Christian Dating Tips: Selecting the right marriage partner.

Published: 09th December 2009
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For many people in today's society, dating is seen as an enjoyable activity within itself, often with no aims further than to have fun. Many people date a variety of people with no real plans for the future, then, when they get to a certain age where they feel they should settle down, they panic they will be left behind their friends. This leads in some cases to people marrying whoever they are dating at the time, rather than being on a search for a real partner.

Many Christians have this same outlook as other in society, and may even use a variety of Christian dating websites and other Christian dating services to find people. Profiles are viewed, whoever is geographically close and physically attractive is contacted, and with any luck a relationship begins - often with nothing more in common than physical attraction and the fact both people are Christians - a good start but no basis for a solid relationship.

For Christians, there is also the added pressure of (for many) wanting to remain pure by restraining from sex until marriage. This is a worthy ideal and one we believe should be withheld, however for some it causes others to make further poor choices in the Christian dating they undertake. Namely, rather than thinking marriage is something they will worry about later, they are so keen to have sex they make a poor choice in who they marry and jump into a marriage relationship with the first person they are dating who will agree (often for the same reason!).

So as we have seen, in the cases of both Christian dating and dating in general, many people approach marriage at the wrong time to the wrong person for the wrong reasons - either marrying whoever they are dating at the time once they get to an age where they feel they should settle down, or they marry the first Christian they are dating because of a desire to remain pure combined with a desire for a sexual relationship. This often leads to marriage failure, which has become an equally severe epidemic among both Christians and the general population.

So, what is the best way for someone who is out there on the dating scene to find a suitable marriage partner? The answer we believe is to find a person you are in harmony with. Our own experience has found (for Christians dating as well as anyone in society) that to be in harmony two people must have similar interests, life goals, life outlook, priorities etc, as well as dreams they can achieve together. While much of this similarity will develop through love in the course of a relationship, if the degree of similarity in these areas is too low, the marriage relationship is far less likely to succeed. It is often said that couples should be compatible. We think compatibility helps couples to cope, but similarity leads to a much closer relationship.

A formal study conducted by the University of Iowa, USA, with results published in the February 2005 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology backs up this theory, with results indicating that people with similar personalities to their spouses have the happiest marriages.

Additional less formal research was also taken through a survey undertaken by Two In Harmony Christian Dating. This research was undertaken through a comparison of results between happy, unhappy and failed marriages in Australia. Results again indicated that married people with similar personalities are the happiest.

There are many ways for Christians who are dating to find people, however the danger with most is that tests of similarity (of goals, outlook, personality etc) are usually not even considered.

The website mentioned above (Two In Harmony Christian Dating) is a new, initially free, website provided by the authors of this article for Christian singles located in Australia. Members may sign up for free, and then in addition to the usual profiles found on most Christian dating websites, are required to fill in a 100 point questionnaire of Yes/No answers. This questionnaire is then computer matched to other profiles in the system, and potential matches are shown based on those members of the opposite sex who have a high degree of similarity in answers and thus personality and goals.

This means with the "Two In Harmony" Christian Dating service the number of results available will be much less than with similar websites which show all people matching a basic criteria such as age group and gender. The results however will be much higher quality in the sense the people found are more similar to yourself, and are people who you are much more likely to have a successful relationship with should you begin dating, and more likely to have a successful marriage with should things go this far. We do not promise to find the perfect person for everyone, but we do aim to filter out as many unsuitable people as possible to make your Christian dating experience as smooth as possible.Don

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